My spouse was astonished and upset when I requested a divorce after thirty years of marriage. He believed he had always been a nice spouse. But I had a cause he didn’t know about.

Isn’t it strange how people’s perspectives of the same event may differ so greatly? Even anything like a marriage. My husband, Zack, felt he was a happily married man, but I knew I was miserable.

Our two realities eventually collided when I sought a divorce on our 30th wedding anniversary, two weeks after our third and youngest kid left home.

He remained there gazing at me, completely stunned. “What?” he inquired. “Who’s getting a divorce?”

“You,” I informed him. “In fact, it’s me.”

Zack sat down hard and continued to stare. “You’re divorcing me?”

“Yes,” I repeated. “I’m divorcing you.”

“But why?” he asked, and I was astonished by the tears in his eyes. “I love you, Kelly. I always have, and I never cheated on you, not ever!”

“That’s true,” I said. “You never cheated, and you never drank or gambled.”

One of the most critical aspects of a relationship is to LISTEN to what the other person is actually saying.
“But…then why?” he said fiercely. “I did nothing, and you are divorcing me?” Are you having an affair?”

“NO!” I cried. “I am not crying!” Would you like to know why I am leaving you, Zack? “I will tell you…” I stepped up to him and looked him in the eye.

“I’m leaving you because you’ve done nothing! When the children arrived and I was working full-time and coming home to handle the housekeeping alone, you did nothing.

“When I was so sick I couldn’t get out of bed, you did NOTHING; when my father died and I was devastated by sorrow, you did NOTHING; and when I went through menopause and had depression, you did NOTHING.

“When I was devastated that our two eldest children had left home, you did nothing. You never sent me a flower simply to show you loved me, and you never stood up for me when your mother was so cruel to me.

“That time I twisted my ankle and could hardly walk, I had to get out of bed at 6:00 a.m. to cook breakfast, while you lay there snoozing and doing nothing. Nothing appears to be what you do best!”

“You never told me!” Zack sobbed with a hurt expression on his face.

“I told you every time I asked for your help,” I confessed. “Each time I sought your assistance, I expressed my feelings,” I confessed. “Whenever I leaned in for a kiss, your focus seemed to be on the television instead.” I conveyed my need for your love, attention, and romance during those moments. I told you when I pleaded for your love, attention, and romance.

“I told you five years ago when I asked you to go to couples therapy with me, and you refused because there was NOTHING wrong and you were happy.”

“We can go now,” Zack remarked optimistically. “Set up the appointment, and I’ll come!”

“Of course, now that you see me determined to leave,” I agreed. “But you don’t actually care enough to go look for a therapist and set up the appointment yourself.”

“Please, Kelly,” Zack implored. “Please give me a chance to make you happy!”

I looked at him and felt a tremendous grief spring up in my heart. I shake my head. “Any moment in the previous thirty years, I would have given everything to hear you speak those words.

“Now when I look at you, all I feel is sadness—and pity.” Zack, you never cared about my happiness, so I’m done with you.

I moved out the next day, got a lovely small apartment near Venice Beach, and began a new life. I sold my vehicle and started riding everywhere, including to work.

My children were horrified, particularly my oldest daughter Amy, who informed me that her father was upset and was seeing a therapist for depression. I felt sad for him, but my pleasure had become my first concern.

I started dancing, met new friends, got rid of the dowdy old outfit I had acquired to please Zack, and changed my hairstyle. My children expressed shock, claiming I looked twenty years younger.

I felt youthful, attractive, lively, and hopeful. A year later, I met Sam, a kind, caring man who pampers me, shows me care and attention, and wishes to marry me.

I think I’m still a little hesitant about taking the big step again, but we have scheduled a date for the summer. I couldn’t have fallen for a better man, and I’m finally discovering what true love is all about.

As for Zack, I hear he is now seeing a much younger lady who treats him like a slave, makes him bounce to her every whim, and spends his hard-earned money like water. I suppose we all get what we deserve!