The elderly may appear fragile, but messing with them is never a smart idea. Though their bodies have aged, their minds remain razor-sharp, and their extensive life experience offers them an advantage in many circumstances.
An 86-year-old woman submitted the following letter to a bank manager when her check bounced, and he thought it was so humorous that he gave it to the New York Times for publication. The letter is likely to make you grin and act as a reminder that messing with older people is a terrible idea!
Here is the entire letter:
“Dear Mr.: I’m writing to express my gratitude for bouncing my check, which I attempted to pay my plumber with last month. According to my estimates, 3 nanoseconds must have passed between his delivering the check and the funds required to honor it being in my account.
Of course, I’m referring to the automatic monthly transfer of my whole pension, an arrangement that, I confess, has only been in existence for 8 years.
You should be applauded for grasping that tiny window of opportunity, as well as for debiting my account $30 as a penalty for causing your bank difficulty.
My gratitude stems from the fact that this occurrence has led me to reconsider my bad financial habits. I’ve observed that, while I personally answer your phone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I’m met with the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless corporation that has become your bank.
I, like you, will only interact with flesh-and-blood people from now on.
As a result, my mortgage and loan payments will no longer be automated but will instead arrive at your bank via check, addressed individually and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must choose.
It is an offense under the Postal Act for anyone else to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an application contact form, which I ask your selected employee to fill out.
I apologize for the eight-page length, but there is no other way for me to learn as much about him or her as your bank does about me.
Please keep in mind that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the necessary financial facts (income, debts, assets, and obligations) must be accompanied by verifiable proof.
In due order and at my convenience, I will offer your employee a PIN number, which he or she must quote in any future contacts with me.
I’m sorry it can’t be much shorter than 28 numbers, but I based it on the number of button clicks necessary to access my account balance on your phone banking service.
Imitation, as they say, is the sincerest form of flattery.
Allow me to further level the playing field. When you call me, tap the following buttons: PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING.
1. To schedule a meeting with me
#2. To inquire about a missed payment
#3. Transfer the call to my living room if I am present.
#4: Transfer the call to my bedroom in the event that I am sleeping.
#5: Transferring the call to my toilet in case I need to attend to nature
If I am not at home, please transfer the call to my cell phone.
#7. A password to access my computer is necessary to leave a message on it. The password will be provided to you via the previously indicated authorized contact at a later date.
Return to the main menu and listen to selections 1 through 8.
#9: To submit a general complaint or query. The contact will then be placed on hold until my automatic answering service responds.
#10: A second reminder to press *for English
While there may be a long wait on occasion, uplifting music will play during the call. Regrettably, but again following your lead, I must impose an establishment fee to cover the costs of establishing this new arrangement. May I wish you a joyous, though somewhat less prosperous, New Year? Your humble customer Remember not to irritate the elderly. It doesn’t take much to irritate us because we don’t like being elderly in the first place.”
LOL! What an incredible comeback!
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