Alan Jackson, the country music legend, is not a politician. He only believes in his faith when it comes to moral and ethical matters. “That’s why I’m reluctant to judge Garth Brooks,” the legend continued, “but some things just need to be said.”

Brooks, according to Jackson, was “never one of us.” Of course, he was talking to a well-known group of country celebrities who established the standard for the genre’s public character. Jackson, Randy Travis, George Strait, and Blake Shelton are just a few examples. “All the good ones,” stated Jackson, adding, “Garth was never invited to our symposiums on the future of our music.”

Brooks, according to Jackson, was first revealed as a member of “them” when he advocated for abortion rights eleven hundred years ago. “He’s always been for killing babies,” he stated, “and then there’s the gays.”

Jackson is alluding to Brooks’ support for homosexual marriage, or “marriage equality,” as he refers to it. “He’s going to have a tough time come judgment day,” the singer smirked.

“I’m not worried,” Brooks told ALLOD Entertainment Specialist Tara Newhole. “Alan’s always been a bit of a snob.” He believes Jesus will save everyone but me. “I’m fine with it.”

Jesus claims that none of us are going anywhere with him since he does not exist. “I’m just a dude who invented the dinner table,” said Christ, adding, “Mel Gibson is the only one to ever get that right.”
Mel Gibson did not respond to requests for comment. God bless the United States.