In the early 2000s, actress Bethany Joy Lenz was enjoying life as one of the stars of One Tree Hill, a famous adolescent drama starring Sophia Bush, Chad Michael Murray, and Hilarie Burton.
But, she tells PEOPLE, she lived a double life while filming: She was strongly committed to a tiny, ultra-Christian organization run by a shady preacher in Idaho, who controlled her profession, life choices, and, finally, her bank account.
By the time she left a decade later, she had little to show for the nearly nine years she spent on the program, and she was filled with sorrow and humiliation for not understanding she was in a cult.
Lenz’s memoir Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show (While Also in an Actual Cult!) will be released on October 22 and will reveal the entire story for the first time.
“I don’t think of it as brave,” she adds of her decision to finally come out. “I think it’s vital. I’m not sure if living silently in the pain I’ve suffered would assist anyone.” She believes that her book will encourage those in similar situations. “I think of this more as the right thing to do.”
Lenz first met the pastor during a Bible study she attended after moving to Los Angeles at the age of 20 to pursue her acting career.
“I had always been looking for a place to belong,” she says. She grew up as an Evangelical Christian, the only child of parents who married young and traveled frequently before divorcing when Lenz was 16. Her religious group and acting served as anchors for her, providing an excellent opportunity to meet like-minded individuals.
At first, she enjoyed her Bible study. They’d sing, worship, and have philosophical discussions about God and life’s purpose. Finding that group was like “water in a desert” for the young actress, who had never before felt that type of connection.
“We crave that kind of intimacy,” she explains. “The idea that someone out there says, ‘No matter what you do, how badly you might behave, or what dumb choices you make, I still love you, and I’m here for you,’ is something we crave.”
She didn’t find it strange when a visiting pastor, known as “Les,” started attending the study evenings and leading the discussions, even when he convinced others to move to a “Big House” in Idaho and live in a small, commune-like setting.
“It still looked normal,” Lenz explains. “And then it simply transformed. But by the time it started shifting, I was too involved in the relationships to notice.” She adds, “Plus, I was so young.”
She admits that her One Tree Hill co-stars were aware of her cult membership.
“I could see it on their faces,” she recounts their emotions. “But I’d justify it, like, ‘I couldn’t be in a cult.'” “It’s just that I have access to a relationship with God and people that everyone else desires but doesn’t know how to obtain,” she adds.
She even claims her co-star, Craig Sheffer, informed her outright that she was in a cult early in the filming process.
“I said, ‘No, no, no.'” Cults are bizarre. “Cults are people in robes chanting crazy things while drinking Kool-Aid,” she informed him. “That’s not what we do!'”
Eventually, fissures appeared. However, Lenz was unaware that she could leave. She had married a fellow “family” member, and in 2012, a year after birthing her daughter Rosie, she decided she wanted to quit both her marriage and the cult. But it was not simple.
“The stakes were so high,” she explains. “They were my only buddies. I am married into this group. I had centered my entire life on it.” If I admitted I was wrong, everything else would crumble.”